I over her shoulders. The way her nose

I had known that this day was coming for weeks. What I didn’t know was how bad it would hurt me. I didn’t know that the pain would affect me as much as it did that one day. Hanna had become the center of my world in those seemingly short years we had spent together. I had come to love everything about her; her possessiveness, her attention, her care, her love and everything she had done for me. The way Hanna’s long black hair fell over her shoulders. The way her nose would jiggle when she laughed with her small hand covering half her face. And not to forget, her big dimples that presented themselves when she was shy or when the smile would come after she hadn’t seen me in days. What a smile it was. It could warm the coldest of hearts and made me melt on the inside. Most of all were her eyes, the way they would twinkle like the glowing stars we see on a starry night. She had light hazel brown eyes with her remarkable bushy eyelashes making her eyes look even more extraordinary. Her eyes would pierce through my hard flesh and reach into depths of my soul. I was already in head over heels when she told me that she loves me. More than lovers, we were the best of friends, nothing kept hidden from each other. If not spoken words, then our eyes told eachother everything. But that one day, Hanna’s lowered gazed eyes told me everything. Something was totally wrong. Before we went inside the restaurant for our date to celebrate our 2 years of being together, Hanna stopped me and held my hand. I was waiting for when she would tell me what’s wrong. “We’re moving in a few weeks. My father got transferred.” Hanna said while her own words made her sweat and shiver.For me, the whole world stood still when I heard the words cross her lips. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. I then held Hanna’s hands and somehow looked at her without tearing up, even though lots of different emotions were being built up inside of me. “Really? Where are you moving to?” I asked her while wishing to not hear an answer. “Yes, I really am Caleb. To the other side of the country to California.” Hanna’s voice cracked as she spoke. “Wow! When’s the big day?” I ask while trying to push in some humour.”In two weeks. August 28th. I have to register for university there and we need to be settled in before the term starts.” Hanna spoke softly.I went quiet and suddenly distant as a thousand thoughts went through my mind. “Are you okay?” She asked. “Yeah, I guess so. I wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t even know your house was for sale.” I spoke. “It wasn’t. The company is paying for everything. My dad got a big promotion. He said he couldn’t pass it up.” Explained Hanna. “What about us?” I said. “Let’s not think about it now and enjoy the last few weeks we have together. Okay?” Hanna said, as her voice started to quiver as her eyes welled over. “Okay.” I said. I knew what the answer was. Our relationship was over, doomed. It was now August 27th and I was walking her to her house. I went to kiss her goodnight and that’s when reality set in.”I guess this is goodbye.” Hanna spoke.”Goodbye? I thought you were leaving tomorrow?” I said. “We are. We’re leaving for the airport at 5:30 am.” Hanna said.”I thought we would have some time together tomorrow?” I said. “Caleb, don’t make this any harder than it already is. What difference will today or tomorrow going to make? Is there anything we haven’t said or done that would make a difference?” Hanna said as she turned around facing the dull sunset across her front porch.I pulled her close to me and tried to look straight into her eyes. I knew she was very upset and this goodbye was not as easy as we thought it could be.  “Yes, there is a difference! It still makes a difference what we say to each other today or tomorrow or even this very second.” I took a deep breath.”I love you Hanna.” I said as I started to tear up.”Don’t do this Caleb!” Hanna said as she stole her glances away from me. “No! Let me finish. I love you and I always will. I will never forget you or the times we spent. I just want to let you know that if ever in your life you come across an obstacle which you cannot face or go through, remember that there is a person across the country who will happily take all your problems over himself.” I cried while lowering my head in front of her.Hanna started to cry, unable to speak a single word. I drew her close and wrapped my arms around her for the last time. She sobbed on my shoulder. I pulled my head back and she looked up at me. We kissed our last kiss and stared at each other. Her beautiful eyes shone in the dim glow of the porch light. “I love you too, Caleb”. Hanna cried.I wanted to keep this moment forever frozen in time. Our embrace broke and she turned to go. The door closed and I left there, broken and numb. 4 weeks later.*Phone ringing*”Hello? Hello?” I said while tying my shoelaces to go out for my jog. I didn’t know whose phone call that was but it gave me a very strange and uneasy feeling. I got up and went to the kitchen and chugged down a bottle of water. The number was new and unrecognizable. As far as I knew, Hanna didn’t get any new phone. Well, it’s been 4 weeks now and the last time we spoke was when she was unpacking in her new home. It felt like she has forgotten me. But I know she will remember me to her last breath. I called back on the number and some woman picked up this time. “Hello? Caleb?” The woman said. The voice was a bit recognizable now and she also knew my name, which means I know this person. “Caleb? Are you there? Hello?” The woman said eagerly. “Yes. This is Caleb. Sorry but I can’t seem to recognize you.” I said. “I’m Janet. Janet McKullers. Hanna’s mom.” She said.”Oh my god! Sorry Mrs. McKullers, I didn’t seem to recognize your voice. Well, how are you?” I said confusedly.”It’s alright Caleb. I’m doing well, but I don’t think you will do so well after hearing this.” Mrs. McKullers said as her voice started to quiet down.I didn’t know what she was talking about but it sure did give me a really bad feeling. The first thought was about Hanna. “What do you mean Mrs. McKullers? Is Hanna alright?” I said in fright. “I’m sending you an email Caleb. Read it and, all I can say is, Hanna really loved you my son. God bless you, take care of yourself.” And she hung up. I dropped my phone on the floor and ran upstairs to my room and took out my laptop bag. My fingers were shivering so much that the stupid laptop wouldn’t even open with my two hands. I took a deep breath and opened it and quickly signed into my email. There were 10 emails from Hanna. The last one said, Open this one first babe. I opened it and the first sentence stopped my heart beat forever. “I love you Caleb. By the time you will read this, I will be gone, forever. But you will always stay in my heart and no one can take that away from me, not even god.” My fingers were numb and my eyes froze in its place as I kept staring at the screen. I took out my wallet and stared continuously at her picture, not knowing why she would do something like that. Tears came out like an endless stream which has neither path nor route. They just kept coming and coming, each time with more pain and more anger.Hanna was suffering from heart cancer. Her heart had to be removed before the disease was spread over her whole body and her brain stops functioning. They found a donor and the surgery was ready to take place. Hanna knew that after this surgery, she will have someone else’s heart in her for the rest of her life. But her love for me stopped her from doing so. She had all of our memories, moments, and most of all me in her heart which she cannot have it thrown out. She could not have let the heart which only beat for me taken away from her. So Hanna refused to undergo the surgery but her parents didn’t listen to her once. She didn’t want to tell me because she knew what my answer would have been. Hanna’s hospital room had big windows with beautiful curtains covering the bright sunlight. She removed the pins and needles that gave her life support and ran to open the windows to let the sunshine set her free. She closed her eyes, pictured me and smiled as she left her parents, this disease, this pain, and me. She left me once again; once more I was left forever frozen in time.


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